Saying Goodbye
by maired75
Summary: This is the part of New Moon where Edward tells Bella they are leaving. It is told from Edward's P.O.V. ONE SHOT!


**A/N: This is the part of New Moon where Edward tells Bella he is leaving. It is told from Edward's point of view and is what I think was running through his head during that moment.**

"Come for a walk with me." I said trying to keep my voice calm and unemotional.

Bella seemed to have a million things running through her head at the moment and wasn't able to speak. I simply grabbed her and pulled her along toward the path that went into the trees. I let go of her hand and stopped only a few feet in. I wanted her to be able to see the house so she wouldn't get lost. That was the last thing I could do for her.

I walked over to a nearby tree and leaned against it lifting my gaze to stare at my angel. My Bella. I kept my face blank.

"Okay, let's talk." Her voice was strong.

She seemed to be holding herself together. Her posture looked as if she was ready to start a fight. I knew that this is what it was going to come down to and I was ready. I was ready to make her believe me. I sucked in a deep breath to make sure my voice was flat and emotionless.

"Bella, we're leaving."

"Why now? Another year-" As the words came out of her mouth I went to explain.

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion. She had misunderstood. She thought I mean we as in me and her. Not we as in my family and me. I grit my teeth together trying to keep myself from breaking and sweeping her into my arms. She stared into my eyes and I stared back making sure not to show the emotional turmoil I felt inside me.

"When you saw _we_-" the words were barely a whisper.

"I mean my family and myself." I pronounced each word clearly to make sure to get my point across.

She shook her head rather hard as if trying to shake away the words. I waited patiently for the next part of her argument.

"Okay, I'll come with you."

My heart broke. How badly did I want her to come with me? I wanted to protect her for forever. I wanted to hold her in my arms every night. I knew that wasn't an option. I needed to protect her and the only way to do that was to leave.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

How badly I wanted to believe that. I took a breathe ready to throw the next blow.

"I'm not good for you, Bella."

The words tore at me. I knew I was no good for her. I was a monster and she was a beautiful, thriving, blushing human.

"Don't be ridiculous." She sounded as if she was fighting emotions.

The words sounded like a plea.

"You're the very best part of my life." I almost laughed at this.

"My world is not for you." The words were grim I knew.

"What happened with Jasper-that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

I held back a flinch at the memory of Jasper lunging at her. His teeth so close before we were able to break him away. She was right though. It was nothing. Nothing but expected.

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected."

I saw her eyes change. She was begging me now. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and kiss her fears away. I fought back at that urge.

"You promised!" She yelled. "In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—"

"As long as that was best for you." I interrupted her sentence.

I felt my unbeating heart break at the look of her. I saw her mask crumpling around her.

"_No_! This is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you—it's yours already!"

I lowered my gaze at her words. I didn't know Carlisle had told her about that. It didn't change anything. If I had a soul it would be hers too. I had to do something. If she kept begging like this I was going to give in. I had to do what was best for her. I had to fight her. I felt my eyes harden and my jaw go taut. I looked up to meet her gaze and I saw her eyes flicker with the recognition of the change in my face.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

As soon as the words left my mouth I choked back a sob. _Of course I want you to come! Please don't believe me!_ My thoughts screamed at me in the back of my mind. I watched her face closely and my stomach dropped. I was winning. I saw it in her eyes. I didn't need to read her mind to know that. She believed me.

"You…don't…want me?" The words seemed confusing coming out of her mouth.

"No." I wanted to say more, but my voice would not allow it. I was holding back everything.

I wanted to sob. I kept my face clear. I couldn't show that in my heart I was apologizing for the words; begging her to not believe me.

"Well, that changes things." Her voice was calm.

She seemed to still be soaking it in. I expected her to flip out and scream at me. This was worse. I looked away into the woods.

"Of course, I'll always love you… in a way." _In the only way possible. All my heart and all my soul._ My mind was screaming at me to stop.

"But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… _tired_ of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human."

This part was not a lie. I was tired of having to be careful. I so badly wanted her to be just like me or me just like her. I would give her anything. My heart broke at what I was putting her through. If I had just stayed away in the beginning this would not be happening. I looked back at her letting my vampire features stand out. This is the look I use to give the humans I would hunt and kill.

"Don't."

Her words were sad. She was giving up. _Fight for me, Bella. Please_. My chest hurt from the pain.

"Don't do this." She whispered.

My body begged me to take it back. My jaw fought to open, but I fought back. I had to finish this. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do this much longer. I could tell that she realized I had made my decision. I took a deep breath preparing myself for the worst lie of all.

"You're not good for me, Bella."

I saw the pain flicker through her eyes and my heart ripped wide open. I almost collapsed at the pain. She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, but closed it again. I waited. _Say something. I'm sorry! Please forgive me!_ I could feel the sob rising in my throat.

"If… that's what you want."

_Of course not! I want you… always! _She wasn't going to fight. She had officially given up. Why then? Why so easily? Did she honestly believe that? I had told her every day that she was my world and how much I needed her and yet here she was giving up at the one part I figured she would never believe. I simply nodded not able to speak. Her body seemed to slump within.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much."

Of course it was too much! Why would she give me anything? I saw the pain in her eyes that she was holding back. I felt my face twitch with the pain, but quickly pulled it together.

"Anything." Her voice had gotten fairly stronger in her attempt to hold it together.

I couldn't hold it anymore. Her voice broke my heart. I felt my face soften and knew she would see it too. I stared into her eyes more intently than ever. I wanted her to fight me. _Please don't believe me._ I had to make sure she would be ok though.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I could feel the intensity burning in my eyes not caring that she would see it too.

She nodded not seeming to know what else to do. I hardened my gaze again. I had to get out of here. The urge to pull her to me was unbearable. Worse than any urge to drink her blood could ever be.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself for him."

I knew she wouldn't be able to hold herself together alone. I had to make her realize she had to do it for someone. Charlie seemed like the best option. She nodded.

"I will."

I relaxed at her promise. She would take care of herself. I could go on as long as I knew she was ok. I would find a way.

"And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

She started to shake at this. Her eyes seemed to get really deep. My words ripped at me. As if I never existed. Deep inside I was praying she would never forget. I knew, though, that if I stayed away long enough she would. I smiled at this small hope that she would be ok. I had to comfort her.

"Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?"

Her words surprised me. She sounded almost like she was choking. I hadn't expected her to speak at all.

"Well," I hesitated not sure what to say. "I won't forget. But _my _kind…we're very easily distracted."

I smiled at my sentence. It was ironic. There was nothing in this world that could distract me from her. I would always remember. I brought myself back to the present. I had to leave now. It was over. She had believed me in a lot less time than I had originally planned. I had expected to fight her for hours on the matter. She gave in so easily and the thought of that made my chest hurt. I took a step back from her.

"That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

A look of surprise crossed her face, which confused me.

"Alice isn't coming back."

Her words would not have been audible to human ears, but I heard her. The words made my heart break again. I was not only doing this to her, but I was taking her best friend away from her. I slowly shook my head trying to watch her reactions. I wasn't going to be able to handle it if she cried.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" Disbelief filtered through her voice.

I couldn't let her think Alice left her without caring.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

I would take the blame. I knew that the decision to leave was not only hurting Bella, but my entire family. They looked at her as another child. I knew this is one thing they would never forget. They would forgive me, of course, but never forget. Her gaze looked distance, as if she was remembering something. Her gaze came back and she seemed to be trying to concentrate. I had to make my exit.

"Goodbye, Bella." I tried to sound peaceful.

"Wait!"

She took a few quick steps toward me. Her words sounded strained again. I reached out to grab her arms. If she was to touch me or wrap her arms around me I knew I would cave. I locked my hands around her wrists and brought them down to her sides so she couldn't touch me. Her warm pulse beat in her wrists and I relished at the feeling. I couldn't resist and I leaned down and pressed my lips to her forehead for only a second. I would deal with the pain of it later. My eyes closed

"Take care of yourself."

_Please! For me!_ The sobs threatened to break through my chest. I took a deep breath letting her intoxicating scent sweep through me, setting my throat on fire. Before I could think twice I released her and ran. I knew she would never see me. I circled through the forest and back to my car. She was probably still standing in that exact place trying to understand.

I ran back to the house and unlocked the door with the key she kept hidden. I quickly ran to her room and gathered the CD I had given her from her portable player, the plane tickets on her desk. I grabbed the loose floorboard I had noticed before. I knew it was wrong. I had promised her it would be as if I'd never existed. I knew I should take this stuff with me, but I had to leave it. I had to hope that someday she would think of me and it wouldn't hurt. As I was placing the items in the floor I noticed a photo album sitting next to her bed on the floor. I had taken the pictures to the post office for her to mail to Renee. I had opened it and removed the pictures of me from the package before sealing it and mailing it off again. I grabbed the album and opened it up. On the first page was a picture of the two of us.

My heart tore again and a sob escaped my lips. It was heartbreaking. You could tell in the picture something was up. My smile didn't reach my eyes and Bella's looked forced. I slid the pictures out of the album and placed it back where it had been. I put them in the floor and replaced the board.

"I love you." I whispered before dashing back down the stairs.

I went into the kitchen and scribble a note on a piece of paper for Charlie. I had a feeling she might try to come after me and I wanted him to know where to find her. I laid the pen down and ran out to my car, locking the door behind me.

The whole thing had taken about a minute. I didn't see any sign of Bella. I jumped in my car and sped off to my house. I knew Emmett would be waiting. I felt my body shaking from the sobs that were coming from me. I slammed on the breaks about a foot from the garage door where Emmett was standing. I jumped out of the car and walked around.

"You drive." I threw the keys to him and he silently slipped in starting the car back up.

I jumped in the passenger seat and he made his way down the driveway. Neither of us spoke. As we got on the highway to go north toward Alaska I reached in my pocket and pulled out the pictures I had taken from the package that was sent to Renee. My finger grazed over Bella's face in the picture. She was more beautiful than anything. This picture is what would get me through. Emmett's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Are you sure about this, dude? We can still take it back." His voice seemed broken.

"No, I can't."

"We love you Edward, but I have to say… on behalf of everyone…"  
"Don't!" I cut him off before he could finish.

I heard his thoughts and didn't want to hear it out loud.

"No you don't! That was our little sister… Carlisle and Esme's daughter. You took that away. We are leaving because you have left for us before, but nobody agrees with this. We could have made it work."

I couldn't speak. The sobs broke out again and I buried my head in my hands trying to block on the words I was hearing in Emmett's head.

_I love you, Bella! My love forever! Please forgive me! I love you!_


End file.
